The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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