At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
