No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
