..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So many bounce houses so little time
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
