Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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