I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
