Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
