We won't sleep together?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
