Did you just see the Batmobile???
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
