She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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