I have demons in me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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