i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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