Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
