fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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