I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
