nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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