I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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