I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
