Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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