Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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