I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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