I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
