the condom got lost in my hair
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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