I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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