Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You made out with two different species that night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
