one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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