We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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