One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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