i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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