On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
