This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
