You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
