Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
