I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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