We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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