What did we do last night that was yellow?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
