dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"