Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me