You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option