i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed