I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
