Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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