just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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