He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
