awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm passing your future prison.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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