i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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