so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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