worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
