Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
