You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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