Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
