The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
