Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize