i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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