xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
