Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
