I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
