Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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