I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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