Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
