Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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