Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
