STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
