i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize