just tell him i said nine months
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
